like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
