omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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