You're so nebulous sometimes
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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