why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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