But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
My day in three words: secret purse cake
and you fell through a lawn chair
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
