Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
