Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I pour the whiskey from now on
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
