Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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