Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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