who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
