Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
