Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
