Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
