I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
