I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
