he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize