Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
