I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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