Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
