I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
