We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
