Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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