What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
