YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Shame is for Republicans.
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