Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
