Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize