Im at strip club and am horny
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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