my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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