YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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