please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
