just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
