the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
