i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
