Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
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She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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