I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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