I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
