I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick