I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!