well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.