At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.