I can text with my tongue
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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