Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
