We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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