It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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