If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
