Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
