FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
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sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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