Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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