If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
