She is in my trunk
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
