you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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