i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
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he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
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You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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