Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
