when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
