I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
