just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
