i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
