We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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