he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
