Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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