Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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