Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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