You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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