2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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