it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
